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redisfor2
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Name: Courtney
Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Metro: Wilmington
Birthday: 11/4/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: I like music its my life I love hanging out with my friends and traveling. Iam learning how to play the gutair I just need to find the right teacher. I love the way I think and my new found sence of freedom and self worth. I love writing its my life, it lets me get things out and also lets me keep a reccord of my life the way I see it. I also like to draw. I've reccently started painting a mural on one of my walls, so far it's amazing!
Expertise: advice/ Learning from mistakes
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/1/2003
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| I made my life what it is and are living with the choices I made... but what if Iam doubting those choices? Is it wrong to want my freedom and the "easy" life now? Do I really want to give up my true dream just to make more money instead? It sounds selfish and the complete opposite of what I was told when I was growing up, but with the way things are today there is no other choice. The world and people thrive on money. Am I considered spoiled when I want to take long summer vacations that include road trips with unlimited freedom, just going where the road takes me. Or is it just boiling in my blood, a passion that I cant help but feel. There are so many part to me, so many things that add together to make up me. Sometimes I feel like I don't use all my parts. I wonder if it is because of all the choices I have made and where Iam today. Its not that I don't know who Iam that is established, I think now Iam searching for alternate outcomes. I want my life to change and grow without having to leave everything from my past in my past. There are things I know I cant do, and not to say that this doesn't make me want to do them more, but taking any action in the subject would alter any current outcomes that I have worked so hard to obtain. I am happy and there is not much to complain about in my situation....... but something just feels broken.. | | |
| Being truly strong requires dedication. You cant doubt your self for a min, because for that one moment your will power falters, all hope for control is gone. You have to take a lot of shit to be truly strong. Heart ache and life experience is what makes you fight back. Its something to get mad at to drive you. Anyone can crack under pressure but how many people can say that they have truly fought their way to the top? How many actually stick it out when things get hard? Sometimes you have to make the wrong decision to make the right one, travel the hard path instead of taking the easy. So what was your hard decision today? Are you fighting.... or still just trying to fit in with the crowd? | | |
| For the night we were huddled together brought close by dim fire light and the need for the outdoors. Shared laughs and passers by were the only sound heard from the secluded site where for the night we were lost to the world. We weren't hiding but rather escaping getting away from all the world, troubles, and positions to be one with nature. We let our selves go, sharing stories from the past and making new ones for the future. We made the rules no one could tell us right from wrong, for the night everything was legal and nothing was impossible. The view was amazing and even though it was vaguely familiar, the moon and the millions of stars were enough to make you feel lost and so very small. The night was livid, unique, and enough to bring me back to nature....... we just sat there unable to gaze away from the fire that was build with our own two hands and we were in solitary...... just letting the night die. | | |
| It must be nice not to feel feelings. Sure would make my life a lot easier. Maybe everyone is right about the world coming to an end in 2012 things have gotten too bad and the world once again must regress in order to one day prevail again. Its time for a cleansing, people are just getting way too out of hand and fucked up for any ones good. There isn't a drug in existence that kids don't do and get hopelessly addicted to. Its fucking sad, do they not see or feel what they are doing to them self or have they made them selves so emotionless that they are unaware that life still happenes and goes on without their pressence? What is it that makes people decided to throw out all emotions? And why do people cling to other people that are corrupt, heatless, and users? What ever happened to true friendship and values. Why does the norm have to be laughing at fat kids and stealing? Everyone morphed into an asshole over night and no one sent me the memo, (story of my life), but I dont want to be like them, for once it's not hard to fit in its a continious struggle to be diffrent. | | |
| All in all it turned out to be a good St. Pattys Day. I have to admit that before last night I was alittle down. I don't know what it is but being away from everyone I know and the things we used to do, and all the good times we had, it just makes me miss life. Its even sadder to know that I can never go back to those days. I've been trying to meet new people so we can create our own new memories but everyone in Wilmington sucks! So whats a girl to do? Am I being too strong should I just forget about the past and what they did to me just to get my good times back? Or is that the absolute definition of hypocorism? Did I do the right thing? Don't get me wrong I have still managed to hold on to a few close friends but they always seem to ditch me when I need them the most. So what conclusion can I come to about them? Are they really my friends? Do they really care about what I need? I think I know the answer to that but I don't want to admit it. Iam sick of this town and the lack of enthusiasm for life and a devopted friendship, but where else can I go? I guess all Iam saying is don't count me out. maybe I like to go to the beach, maybe I would like to go downtown once in a while, maybe I would like to go bowling every tuesday night...... the list goes on and on, I just need to know that someone cares and will miss me when Iam gone. | | |
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